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Four Negotiating Mistakes That Women Often Make
Some women are uncomfortable with the word negotiating though
they do it everyday. Negotiating is a skill that has to be
learned. Even powerful and successful women have made
negotiating mistakes. Jessica Miller, a commercial real-estate
executive and author of "A Woman's Guide to Successful
Negotiating", wanted to know what they learned from them. She
talked with top women executives in a range of industries to
discover the most common mistakes women make when bargaining.
Four of these missteps, which follow, are relatively easy to
correct once you realize that you're making them.
Mistake No. 1. Adopting a negotiating style
that doesn't reflect who you are.
Solution: Be yourself, but be the best self
you can be. Because many women haven't learned that there are
many successful negotiating styles, they avoid negotiating or
think they don't have an aptitude for it. To be successful,
however, you must employ a negotiating style with which you're
comfortable. How you negotiate needs to reflect who you are. You
must be authentic or you'll lose all credibility.
Mistake No. 2. Not seeing a situation as an
opportunity to negotiate.
Solution: Ask -- almost everything is
negotiable if you see it that way. Many women don't recognize
that opportunities to negotiate exist in almost every
interaction. They look at situations in terms of decisions that
have to be made, rather than opportunities to negotiate. So if
you assume everything is negotiable, you'll find that it's true.
Ordinarily, a situation doesn't preclude you from negotiating.
Instead, it dictates how you need to go about trying to get what
you want. Successful women recognize that almost everything is
negotiable, although you don't want to negotiate everything. You
decide what's worth negotiating.
Mistake No. 3: Not being willing to say no.
Solution: Don't be afraid to use the "no"
word. Women often have difficulty saying no, particularly when
they're dealing with someone they care about. Because women
place a high value on relationships, they're more hesitant about
saying no. They want to keep everyone happy.
You don't have to say no loudly or
aggressively. If, however, an offer is less than you think it
should be, you need to point that out politely but firmly. If
the other party can't, or won't, improve the offer, you need to
be willing to walk away. If you have prepared properly for the
negotiations, you'll know the other options you have in case
this discussion doesn't work out the way you had envisioned.
Knowing your bottom line and being willing to say no to
something that doesn't meet your needs often results in the
other party finding a way to satisfy your needs, as long as
you're flexible and willing to work with them.
Mistake No. 4: Not negotiating well when it's
for yourself.
Solution: Negotiate for yourself as if you
were negotiating for someone else. Both men and women find it
difficult to negotiate for themselves, but women often have an
even harder time. Many women were raised to believe that it's
selfish to ask for things for themselves.
One helpful technique is to visualize
yourself as negotiating for someone else. Think about what you
would do if you were advocating on behalf of a person whom you
care about. Then approach your personal negotiations similarly.
Another technique that can help you negotiate more effectively
for yourself is "self talk." Before you begin, give yourself a
little pep talk. Go over all the reasons why you deserve what
you're requesting. You are your toughest audience. Once you
convince yourself, you'll have no trouble convincing everyone
else.
Learning to negotiate will empower you.
You'll decide what to agree to and what you aren't willing to
accept. You'll be able to shape situations to ensure that your
needs are satisfied. Negotiating well will help you to get what
you want, not only in business but in your personal life as
well. Once you master the art of negotiating, you'll soon
recognize that the only real limits to what you can achieve are
those you place on yourself.
This article is adapted from the book "A
Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating" of Lee E. Miller and
Jessica Miller.
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